I have a strange way of grieving. Lately, I am always on the verge of tears. Today, my eyes welled up with tears at least three times and I can't even remember why. But I don't usually slow down or withdraw. I cry frequently and then feverishly keep my hands and my head occupied. (officially called being 'in a tizzy'). It's the only way I know to give my heart a break. So, in this grieving season of little birdies leaving my nest, I'm reading and knitting. Almost ravenously. Since we arrived in MN, I've knit and read nearly continuously. Except for the multitudinous breaks for eating. I guess I should add 'eating' to my list of grieving activities but it seems much less industrious than knitting and reading. Like this beanie I made for Taylor this week, I couldn't get Psalm 139 out of my head.
You have searched me and known me
You search out my path and my lying down
You are aquainted with all my ways
You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me
'You knit me together in my mother's womb'
Where shall I go from your spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
He will never be alone. His Lord will be ever present. And my beloved son will be 'hemmed in'. He will be surrounded by a hedge of protection. (And a cute little beanie hat). I know that I need not worry. But I also know that this is just one more stage in the process of letting them go. And I don't know any other way to walk through that valley except one painful step at a time. So bear with me. My heart is heavy. My thoughts and days are bitter sweet. I guess I should be thankful that I'll still have this one home to make me laugh. I've been trying to think up a good rap name for him. Maybe S. Macdaddy Wads or better yet, all one word, Smacdaddy Wads. And just that quick I go from tears to belly laughs. Welcome to my emotional roller coaster. ~~BTW, I did NOT ask him to pose. This is his natural gangsta face. Be very afraid.
~~And thanks to Grandma Evadne for her patience with my facial contortions when she told me I was going to have FOUR knitting needles going at once. She's a saint with my questions and mistakes.
~~ Caiti like the beanie so much, I've started one for her. I feel a tsunami of tears on the horizon.
It is my distinct privilege and honor to introduce you to The Verity, a christian rock band consisting of 5 bright and charming young men from Morristown, Tennessee.
My son, Taylor, whom you've heard lots about, is the lead singer, guitar player, songwriter and self-proclaimed 'dad' of the group (shown center). You also know Andrew well from my blog posts. The boys are all listed at the bottom of this picture. They leave tomorrow for a ten day tour of the eastern US. They will be traveling with another band but there won't be any parent chaperones. I've asked them to guest post so that you will remember to pray for them(and their parents) while they're gone. Please show them some love in the comments section! I know they look all grown up but there will be some worried mamas here at home while these boys are venturing into the treacherous waters of manhood.
Hello to all my beloved moms' blogger friends. As you have figured out by now we are leaving for a ten day tour tomorrow morning! We are extremely excited to do this, it has been a work in progress for awhile and it feels great to actually be doing something that we have only talked about since the band started. We just wanted to take the time before we leave to thank you all for the support and we ask that you continue to pray for us daily while we are gone and on the road!
We are still booking some dates for the end of July and the first week of August so if you know of any churches or venues that are looking for a christian band then let us know! Also if you live near a venue that we are playing at on this tour then come out and see us and say HEY! Thanks for everything!!
The Channel w/ Standing Small Greeneville, South Carolina
Jun 27 2009 6:00P
The Rock w/ Standing Small Crossville, Tennessee
Jun 28 2009 6:00P
River Hills Christian Church w/ Standing Small and The Color House Loveland, Ohio
Jun 29 2009 7:00P
The Bean Coffeehouse w/ Standing Small and The Color House East Peoria, Illinois
Jun 30 2009 8:00P
Ignite Center w/ Standing Small and The Color House Green Bay, Wisconsin
Jul 1 2009 7:00P
The Nite Light Cafe w/ Standing Small and The Color House Berwyn, Illinois
Jul 2 2009 4:15P
Cornerstone Festival-New Band Showcase!! Bushnell, Illinois
Jul 24 2009 6:00P
D’NOW in Grainger County-We will put the Church name up soon!! Grainger County, Tennessee
Jul 25 2009 6:00P
D’NOW in Grainger County-We will put the Church name up soon!! Grainger County, Tennessee
Jul 31 2009 6:00P
Harvest Outreach Youth Event White Pine, Tennessee
Aug 5 2009 7:00P
Loudhouse Coffee Greenbrier, Tennessee
I know I'm no martyr but Taylor is taking my car (above) and I'm driving his car(below).
For 10 days. My car has been plagued with funny smells before which you can read about here, but I'm very afraid of my car returning with a curious 10day-sweatyboy-DIDSOMETHINGDIEINHERE?-smell. This, along with 'will he eat one piece of fruit while he's gone?' is what keeps me up at night.
Nicholas Wadsworth interviews Taylor and Dibbs
I pray for your safety. I hope you have fun. I'm so proud of what you've made of your life. I'll be counting the days till you're back home. May God give you grace for your journey. My love to you today, everyday, and always.
Mom.
P.S. Showers and clean underwear are your friends. 'Just say no' to Andrew and Jay.
Edited to Add: I'm excited to join Kimba's Garden Party and welcome all you Kimba friends to my blog. She has been such an encouragement to us all. I'm planning to host (if Mr. Linky cooperates) a 'Painted Patio Furniture' Party next Monday so I hope you'll join me. If you don't have any furniture to paint or don't have time, just show us what you're planning to do! I've painted some already as you'll see in this post, but I'm hoping to do a fun project to show you by Monday!
Warning: longest post known to mankind
As I sit here with puffy, tired eyes, and aching legs, I am so thankful for the wonderful celebration we had for Taylor on Saturday. The weather was beautiful and with the help of many family and friends, I think we were able to communicate to him how special we all think he is. My wonderful, supportive sister (and beloved Rock Band partner) spent the night with us after graduation on Friday to help me with the party. I absolutely could not have made it through this weekend without her. She knows that. We cried together watching Taylor's video. We laughed together looking through old pictures. And she chuckled at me as she helped me hang the last 'dropcloth'. She kept me 'on task' when I needed to stop spray painting things yellow to start making food and then when the guests arrived, she made me leave the kitchen and enjoy the party. I love you, sis. I thank God for you in my life. Taylor is lucky to be loved by you.
The hardest part for me was finishing the video and having it ready to play by party time. It was down to the wire, but we (my sister and I) finished it and even burned a few copies to share with family. It turned out wonderful. Thank you for your song suggestions. I ended up using:
1. As long as you're not leaving
2. Kite
3. Flies on the Butter
4. Then there's you
5. How FAr We've Come
6. Say
7. Times Like These
8. Song 42
9. Hold On to Me
The video was twenty minutes long and though I'd love to share it with you, I haven't decided yet if it should be made 'public'. I may end up showing you parts of it.
The party was mostly outside, by the pool and gardens.
A few months ago, I found this table and two chairs (which are now yellow) on the curb at my neighbor Sues' house. I hauled 'em home and gave them new life!
Sue said they were rusting and surely 'you can't paint plastic'. 'Rust' is no hill for a climber. And I will at least attempt to paint anything.
The food was just perfect. Thank you to all my friends who helped out. And to my sister who helped me assemble all my appetizers.
These two sisters (my mom and Aunt Rosie) were like professional catering staff. They took over the kitchen and didn't sit down all day. Until this moment late in the evening. Thank you both for your tireless work.
Taylor's great grandmother came and after watching his video and being reminded of his signature 'cowlick' as a child, she inspected underneath his shaggy hair to see if it was still under there somewhere! Too cute.
>Please pray for Andrews' continued recovery. After our party, he became very ill and ended up in the hospital with acute appendicitis. The very day he was supposed to have his own party. We love you and are thinking of you Drew.
We are so thankful for our friends and neighbors. Especially Kristi and Leigh Ann who went above and beyond the call of duty to help us.
And we are so thankful for family! You made Taylor's day by making the trip!
I think this is my favorite picture from the weekend. I feel a little like Elea. I will watch you leave with longing, with joy, and with anticipation. "For I am confident that He who has begun a good work in you, will perform it until the day of Christ Jesus".
Something is about to give I can feel it coming I think I know what it is I'm not afraid to die I'm not afraid to live And when I'm flat on my back I hope to feel like I did
And hardness, it sets in You need some protection The thinner the skin
I want you to know That you don't need me anymore I want you to know You don't need anyone Or anything at all
Who's to say where the wind will take you? Who's to say what it is will break you? I don't know, which way the wind will blow
Who's to know when the time has come around? Don't want to see you cry I know that this is not goodbye
It's summer, I can taste the salt of the sea There's a kite blowing out of control on the breeze I wonder what's gonna happen to you You wonder what has happened to me...
I'm a man, I'm not a child... A man who sees The shadow behind your eyes
Who's to say where the wind will take you? Who's to say what it is will break you? I don't know, where the wind will blow
Who's to know when the time has come around? I don't want to see you cry I know that this is not goodbye
Did I waste it? Not so much I couldn't taste it Life should be fragrant Rooftop to the basement
Edited to add: I'm linking this post with Emily's Tuesdays Unwrapped so welcome to all you friends of Emily. She's the best!
It's been a busy week for our family as we anticipate the fast approaching graduation of my son, Taylor. He was honored with many of his classmates this week as being among the class to receive more honors and scholarships than any other class in the history of West High School. He graduates with first honors....with a weighted GPA above 4.0 (I'm still not sure how that's possible) and will attend East Tennessee State University on a music and academic scholarship, while his best friend Andrew was honored with all the same acolades and will attend King College (only about 20 miles from Taylor's college) on an academic and cross country scholarship. He was honored as a member of Who's Who and was recognized as the male 'senior of the year' by his music teacher for his participation in Chamber Choir. It makes a mama proud. And brings a mama to tears. (and in retrospect, makes a mama wish she had insisted on that hair cut)! To top off the week, his band, The Verity, was invited to play at the World's Fair Park last night in Knoxville. The girls and I met my mom, my nieces and my nephew to tour the Sunsphere and enjoy downtown Knoxville before the concert started. My mother's best friend from childhood, whom I also call my 2nd mom, is the owner of the historic Thackston School, which burned a few months back and had to relocate the Holiday Inn Convention Center; conveniently located about 50 yards from the World's Fair ampitheater. Her son, John, just happens to have the best view of Knoxville, with his office in the top of the Sunsphere. Needless to say, it was a fun field trip. This is the view of the ampitheater from John's office. So, despite the intermittent rain, we had a ball. I think the boys did too. This was a beautiful venue. Everything these days is covered with a haze, a mixture of sadness and joy. I'm filled with pride and yet, always on the verge of tears. I feel so blessed to take this journey with him and still apprehensive that when the time comes for me to step off the trail, I won't be ready. He won't be ready. I know that this is only the beginning for him. The world lies in wait; ready to embrace another generation of our youth. It's my job to let go, to give him gladly to a world that is hurting and in need of strong minds and compassionate hearts. And I will find a way to let go. Because deep down, I know that what we give away from open hands and hearts, always comes back to us. The sadness turns to joy. The tears are a baptism of sorts. Drowning out the need to control....to hold too tightly. It is necessary for this goodbye----this death to the way things have always been---before new life can spring forth. I will say goodbye to this way of life. To this way I have mothered you. But I will not say goodbye. I will hold you in my heart always. Rejoicing with you in your joys. And bearing your burdens with you in my heart....and on my knees. I will be here for you. Always.
I had every intention of showing you my 'redecorranged' bathroom today. It'll have to wait. My son, who is JUST FINE, was hit by a drunk driver on the interstate late last night. He walked away unscathed from a potentially life-threatening accident. That kind of news changes your plans. It changes the way you look at your children. It changes the color of the dogwoods. It makes all things new. Taylor,
May I never take for granted the strum of your guitar, the strength of your beliefs, the things that remind me of the little boy in you, the amazing songs you write, those baby blues, and the sweet sound of your voice. God has given me a gift. I am blessed beyond measure to be your mother. And I see you with new eyes today. I will pray for you from a vulnerable heart. I will cry tears of joy and purpose to be thankful. And when the time comes---- and it's coming very soon----to let you go........ I will remember that you are the Lord's planting......entrusted to me but for a little time. May he multiply the days, restore the years, keep you safe and give the growth. And may you become 'an oak of righteousness' for His sake and His glory. Strong and true. I couldn't be more proud. Love you long time,
Mom
I'll end this emotional day by playing this song for Taylor and Caiti that I used to sing to them every night before bed.
the living scrapbook of Steve and Edie....and our beautiful, unique blended family of eight children, two dogs, a pool, a lot of good books, and grace.... pressed down, shaken together, and running over.
they're gone
